


i have given up trying to recognize you

by firebrands



Series: tumblr prompt fills [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Civil War (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 17:23:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21395881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firebrands/pseuds/firebrands
Summary: for teeveemuveefreek who asked for “9. things you said when i was crying” + “1. Things you said at 1 am” (from amini fic prompt list)
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: tumblr prompt fills [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1541533
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	i have given up trying to recognize you

It’s a distinctive sound, his ringtone, and Steve has dreamt of hearing it for so long that when he hears it, half asleep, he thinks it must be just that: a dream.

But the sound is persistent, and he fumbles around his duffel bag for the phone, growing more and more alert and impatient as he searches. Finally, he flips it open and brings it to his ear.

“Tony?”

It’s silent on the line. Steve strains to hear for any sound of danger or struggle. Instead, he just hears shallow breaths.

“Tony,” he says, urgently. “Are you alright?”

A small, broken sound is transported across all the radio waves between them. Tony had explained to Steve, all those years ago, how cellphones worked, the electrical signals and cell towers. Out of everything, Steve remembers Tony’s voice the most, its lilting quality, the way he always sounded like he was about to make a joke or a snide remark. The way his tone softened only when he was with Steve.

He remembers the sharp edge to it in Siberia.

“Tony, please just tell me if you’re okay,” Steve says, and he doesn’t know why he’s whispering, but he is, the walls of the nondescript motel suddenly seeming oppressive.

“I wish I never met you,” Tony says. Steve can hear ice cubes in a glass, the sound of Tony taking a drink. Tony sniffles, then laughs bitterly. 

Steve shuts his eyes, focuses on the sound of Tony’s stilted breaths. He wants so desperately to just tell Tony he loves him, but he knows that isn’t enough, not anymore. Never will be.

“I wish you’d just finished it and killed me,” Tony says, before laughing again.

“Tony,” Steve pleads, then startles when he hears a sharp crack. He stares at the broken phone in his hands, and takes his own phone to try and switch out the SIM card. But it won’t take, something about lock-in periods and Steve stops himself from throwing the offending machine against the wall.

Steve sits on the floor, leaning on his bed, Tony’s words playing and replaying in his mind, until Sam knocks on his door and asks him to breakfast.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr saw it first [here](https://firebrands.tumblr.com/post/187503944565/i-was-reading-through-the-list-and-then-i-had-the)
> 
> title from this [rilke poem](https://poems.com/poem/you-who-never-arrived/)
> 
> i'm also on [twitter](https://twitter.com/firebrandss)!


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